You “need to know.” I counter with this: If you’re having a fun, great, sexy time, why oh why would you drop those dreaded words, “Where is this going? I felt pressured to say what I think he wanted to hear, and if that’s your idea of honesty, well. I’ve often found myself marking time FROM THIS TALK, wondering who would be the one to bail out first. And that why having The Talk too early is horrible because it starts with “I like you a lot” and ends with “and this is what I need you to do/not do, etc.” It legislates. There will be plenty of time to make it quite clear what you want, and then, if he’s unwilling to provide that, you’ll know you have a decision to make. You think that if you know more about what’s going on under the hood you’ll feel better, but that may not be the case. What matters is that you keep choosing to spend time with and enjoy each other. She wants to know if he’s her boyfriend or if he could be, and worries that by not nailing it down she’s being played.” It’s the relationship equivalent of walking into the middle of a great party, turning off the music, flipping on all the lights, and saying, “So, I just want to check. Why create this pressure when you’re really trying to get to know someone? Do you really want to know he likes you a lot but is getting over a crush from last summer, or that his ex-girlfriend has been calling again? I tell her, yes, it You do this by maintaining a rich and vital connection, staying in touch and letting that person know you’re very much interested.
There’s chatting online, which moves to text or phone calls, casual dating which can last a few dates or months, which develops into an exclusive relationship, and then finally comes a defined BF/GF status. Because everyone has a different dating approach—some put all of their eggs in one basket, while others date multiple people at a time, it can be confusing which stage you’re in unless you talk about it directly.
Let’s get one thing straight: That discomfort you feel? It exists due to the simple fact that things are NOT SET YET. Don’t suck the life out of it in an effort to make it shelf stable.
If you’re still with this guy 10 years from now, there will be a point, sooner than you think, when you’ll wonder where the magic went.
I thought I’d help things along or feel better by asking, “So what is the deal, I mean, are we seeing other people, or…” It was a moment of weakness. The whole tenuous, if promising, thing collapsed on itself a short while later. My Break-Up 911 online workshop is going to gently get you back on your feet. And while I can’t purport to read your mind, I’ll assume you’re craving what most humans do: significance and security. And after a few months you really do want to get serious, and you want a committed relationship, then of course you owe it to yourself and him to discuss it. When you do feel the urge to have a meta-conversation, tell him (or her) instead about how much fun you have with that person, how much they rock, how attracted you are to them–and welcome those comments from him.
Does he want to know you’re sort of weaning off this other guy? As soon as she tries to get him to submit to certain rules or titles, I warned her she’ll scare him away, and he’s already far away.